9 Ways to Revive Your Marriage When Life is Busy
Do you find that your marriage is falling second to the craziness of life? Do you want to rekindle and revive your marriage?
Second, to your relationship with God, the relationship with your spouse is the most important. But we can often neglect the relationship with our spouse when life gets hectic, and let's be honest; life is usually hectic.
Busy has been the story of my 3-year marriage. Between work, school, and a toddler, my husband and I have had to figure out how to continually revive our marriage. I know many marriages, and relationships can benefit from the strategies my husband and I discovered. So, without further ado here are 9 tips for reviving your marriage when life is busy, curated by my husband Alex and yours truly.
Go to Church Together
When I asked my husband to collaborate with me on this post, the first tip we both thought of was faithfully going to church together. Make attending church together a priority.
Don't just say you are going, DO IT.
Many churches offer evening and online services (such as Church.Online) so I promise you can "find time" to go. Whatever you do, make sure you and your spouse are spiritually fed and engaging in spiritual community. This is so important and can dramatically change your marriage for the best! When you make God a priority in your lives and marriage, you are far better equipped at loving one another the way God wants you to love one another. When we are spiritually fed regularly, we remembered that God fulfills all our needs, not our significant other. Knowing this can help us not put, at least as many, expectations on one another.
Pray Together and for Each Other
'“I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. ' - Matthew 18:19
Jesus is asking you to pray and pray together because there is power in prayer!
So pray with your significant other.
And pray for your significant other.
I am not going to lie; I know both my husband and I wish that we made it a point to pray with one another every day, either in person or on the phone. We don't do it each day, we should, but we do it often.
But not a day goes by that I do not pray for him.
Again, prayer is powerful. In 1 Timothy 2:1 the Apostle Paul compels us to pray for one another,
'I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. '
Praying together develops spiritual togetherness and helps us be open and vulnerable with each other and before God. Praying for one another and your marriage is vital.
A great app that I have found for documenting prayers and setting daily prayer reminders is the Echo | Prayer App.
Know One Another's Love Languages and Speak Them
In our premarital counseling, we were advised to take the love languages quiz. You probably have heard of the Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a National Bestseller.
The five love languages include Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I highly encourage you and your significant other to take this quiz and buy the book if you haven't, you can buy it here. When you and your husband know each other's love language, you can better show each other affection that resonates deeply.
For example, when my husband and I haven't seen one another for awhile, I know he wants to talk, and for me to shower him with affirmations, I want a long hug.
When you know each other's love language, you are better able to show love in a way that speaks to and fulfills each other.
I also recommend signing up for the Five Love Languages Newsletter as it includes different ideas to express and show love for each love language. The website has many free resources, including YouVersion Bible App devotionals.
Call When You Can Instead of Text
When you two are apart, don't just text, call!
This tip is all my husband, but I am happy he insists on this. I would be okay just texting, but I know so much is left unsaid or misunderstood in a text message, such as inflection, emotion, timing, meaning, nonverbal cues, and vulnerability. My husband always makes sure we talk on the phone when we are apart. Yes, we text for most of the day, but we do not leave it at that, we have a conversation at a scheduled time. Many issues cannot be adequately discussed, and shouldn't be discussed, in a text.
It is so much more personal and effective to talk, voice to voice.
Encourage One Another
1 Thessalonians 5:11 states
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
This is so true in marriage! Whether or not you or your significant other has the Words of Affirmation love language, everyone needs encouragement so encourage
and do it another often!
Leave one another notes of encouragement. These little surprises can be so special and uplifting. Both you and your significant other have a unique role to play in your life together, and at times those positions will undoubtedly be hard, encouragement does wonder. In all my endeavors, I can always count on my husband to encourage me, and I try and do the same for him.
Let your husband know that you are his biggest cheerleader and that you appreciate all he does for you and your family.
Look at One Another's Schedule
If you find that you and your significant other are not getting enough quality time together, or find that your plans bypass one another, look at each other's daily, weekly, and/or monthly schedule and plan quality time together.
You are significantly more likely to do something if you plan it and write it down!
Just like when you go grocery shopping, if you do not plan on what you need to get, you likely end up forgetting something.
If you want to spend more quality time together, plan it.
Erin Condren has fantastic planning products including the popular LifePlanner™ with monthly and weekly spreads, as well as, several wall and desk calendars. You can purchase any Erin Condren product(s) here.
Before using my LifePlanner™, it was difficult to know what my husband and I had going on for work, school or any other activity. This made it hard for us to plan time together, and caused friction because, well no one knew what was going on!
If your husband doesn't write his schedule down like mine (I'm lucky if he remembers to take a lunch!) keep track of both of yours. Then you can better plan for quality time together and prepare for if and when you need a babysitter.
Spend Your Together Time Wisely
You looked at one another's schedules and planned time together, but is that time together quality time, or just sitting together while passively watching Netflix?
To be honest, my husband and I need to work on this tip. We spend a lot of time together running errands.
Just like with money, you should spend your time together with your special someone wisely.
What does quality time look like then?
It could be a number of activities, but I recommend setting aside that planned time with your special someone free of the TV, smart-phone, or other distracting technology. Making the most of your time together could mean going for a walk (this is one of my favorites), having a meal together, cooking a meal together, or eye-to-eye conversation. It could mean anything in which your primary attention and focus are on one another.
Spend Any Extra Time Together
If you and your special someone are on limited time together, any chance you can spend time with one another do.
Spontaneous time together is fun!
For example, If one of you has to go out of town and the other person's schedule is free, go together, the drive there and back could be an excellent time for conversation. My husband and I do this all the time.
Are the kids all napping? Spend that time together.
Both have a lunch break at the same time? Go to lunch together.
If you look for it, you can usually "find extra time" which you can spend together.
Make Time for Discussion about What Is Important to Each of You
Just like planning time for quality time together, you and your significant other should plan for time to discuss pressing or critical issues.
If you don't make a plan to address issues, those issues become a simmering pot that will eventually boil over.
Especially if you are on limited time together, you need to talk about what is important to each of you. The lack of communication coupled with busy schedules could create distance between you and your spouse.
Take advice from Paul,
'for anger gives a foothold to the devil. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, ' - Ephesians 4:26-27
Plan time to deal with issues regularly, so you strengthen your marriage rather than let bitterness destroy your marriage.
Help One Another
Yes, we all have busy lives. Whether you work full-time or part-time, go to school full-time or part-time, volunteer, are a homemaker, etc. the chances are you're busy.
Even if someone doesn't ask for help, it doesn't mean that they do not need or wish for help.
Ask one another if you require or would like help, and if so, how can you help? Maybe you can spend more quality time together if you both help each other get lunches ready, do laundry, or go grocery shopping for example.
Galatians 5:13 tells us to "serve one another in love."
I hope these tips were helpful. I want to thank my husband Alex for helping me with this post, and I want to thank you the reader for reading it! Share these tips with your special someone.